The Wedding Weekend

It was one busy week for me. I had exams, my cousin’s-childhood buddy-wedding and a tiring goodbye to the guests. So, all in all it was an eventful and emotionally exhaustive week.

Here we are discussing, what makes a wedding interesting? –
a. Bride or Groom
b. New clothes and jwelery
c. Eye Candy- EC

Option C is the most awaited and clandestinely wished ingredient of a wedding. As in, no body says it blatantly, but everybody wishes for one or two ECs to be around. So, that you have something to ‘admire’, as one of my friends put it, to talk about. You can get bored of discussing bride and the groom. So you go flaunt your goodlooks or admire someone elses. Same difference. 🙂

So this is exactly what we did. We had only one EC sadly. “The girl gang” (The GG) comprises of newly wedded and young teenage girls who are ready for some harmless admiring activity.

The rules are set from the onset. You just have some fun. To define fun – jokes at the EC’s expense, jokes that are friendly and subtle, to make it obvious at times that he/she is ‘EC’. Lastly, the fun depends a lot upon circumstantial humour and the element of surprise.

So, here we begin. Our EC was obviously a guy. And The GG devoid of all the discussing, gossiping, cribbing, beautifying and self admiring classes decided to hunt for a scapegoat- EC.

So, it all began at the legendary dining table where EC was the host and the GG sat together for the fiesta all at his expense ofcourse.

Ok we will call participants of GG as (GG1, GG2, GG3 and so on)

GG1– I am hungry, so hungry that I can eat the table.

EC- Oh the pleasure is all mine, but please leave the table.

GG2– giggles (Why?)

EC– smirks (he he he macchli jaal mein fans gayi. The prey is ready)

GG1– Coughs violently

EC– this is dog cough

GG2– giggles

GG1- huh (Bitch)

The feast begins and the girls keep giggling God, it was too much obvious even from the EC standard rule book. Anyway now the EC was serving chapattis and then water.

GG4– I want a chapatti

GG5-(mumbles) eat less he will think you eat a lot

Extras– chapatti ma’am

GG2– giggles… heheh .. giggles again

GG4– what the hell I never asked for chapatti (sees EC fetching water) I said Pani (Water). Huh.

EC– Oh I did not hear sorry.

The GGs laugh and continue with some harmless jokes till the time the grown ups turn up and the dinner is rounded up.

The wedding day-
The GGs clad in wedding dresses and makeup make overs look awesomely pretty. The EC gives his best. At night when everyone is tired to death and having a quiet time with the bride:

Scene- the Bride’s room, everyone waiting for the next wedding ceremony called feras. The GG’s tired to death … almost dosing off to glory at 3 am. A knock on the door and we see EC at our disposal.

GG1– Sits upright
GG2– Giggles in slumber
GG3– In an attempt to reach the door almost runs over the bride
GG4- Opens the door
GG5- Clears her throat

Bride- Sighs lucky bitches! Come on my tantrums weren’t so boring

EC- Are you ready

The GG– err yes (what do you think took us so long. Yes, we are)

EC- so can I use the loo

GG5– This is what you wanted to ask?

GG1– duh?

GG2- stops giggling (finally)

Bride- Like what should WE be ready for if YOU have to pee. (My lehenga weighs 100 kgs and he is standing there as if.. phew..) go now use the damn loo.

GG3- (mischievous eyes) what if some grown up enters our room now and finds a guy in the loo with all of us here.

Bride– My wedding will be called off shut up guys.

GG1- stop acting like a bride, act like a girl. He is the EC man.. like what are thinking.

GG5– haha if someone enters just now we will tell him -ohhh EC Please don’t come out

The GG– laugh out loud at all the ridiculous tales going on in their naughty heads.

Bride- What if we lock him from the outside.

GG1- Brilliant idea

GG3- Now you are talking

GG5- Why not hold it from the outside, he will never be able to come out.

Bride goes and holds the door knob from the outside. While The GGs laugh and crack jokes .. some of them fall off the bed while the rest roll on the floor.

GG6- just imagine if the door knob breaks and he is seriously stuck in the room.

The bride cracks up in a laughter and with a jerk the knob comes in her hand. Everyone in The GG gang falls silent for a second. They all look at each other’s face and then towards GG6.

GG6- (in her defence) Like I did not do anything. It is divine intervention.

Bride- Now What

GG1- EC tum ghabrana nahin hum tumhare saath hein

GG2- starts giggling again

Now the ideas of getting him out go even crazier, lets lock the room and disappear.

Bride- What if I was there in his place. God my wedding would have never taken place. Everything happens for the good.

GG2- uff not again. OK let me try. She puts the knob in the now created vacant space and tinkers with it.

This time a few pieces of iron and moulded metal fall down. The situation worsens.

Finally after ten minutes every one falls silent and now the panick stricken faces realise they might be in a big soup. So one of them decides to call a grown up to rescue. Just then one of the grown up hears the cries and enters.

Grown up- how can this happen let me try.

GG5- are you sure you can handle.

Grown up- Grown ups are smart, they can do everything . taktak tak tak taka tak.. thadack.

Another loud crack and then the lock breaks into two pieces. The GGs stare at the grown up and laughs, like he did not find any other loo or what.

Just then GG5 asks for the lady weapon- a hair pin. And tinkers with the knob

Click. And open. The EC stares in amazement and relief.

EC- thanks GG5 for saving my life from the washroom.

GG5– the pleasure was all mine.

The GG gang – how was the experience?

EC- life threatening

EC left the room and everybody laughs till their stomachs ached. Later

EC- So, if it would not have been you I would have been locked up for god knows how many years.

GG5– oh not a problem. I was just trying to help

EC- Ohh How modest of you

GG5– (sala) yeah right (Dude it was just a wash room.)

EC- So you are here with?

GG5– My husband and my 5 year old daughter

EC- (puts himself together) Ohh you do not seem that old. Aapki twacha se aapki umr ka pata hi nahin chalta.